The Individualist… The Romantic
Exploring the inner world of the
Enneagram Type 4
Enneagram Type Four
“Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.”
– The Enneagram Institute
Learning about
The Enneagram Four
The EnneagramInstitute.com is my go-to source for all things Enneagram.
Who is the enneagram four?
Basic Fear
The basic fear of the 4 is that they have no identity or personal significance.
Basic Desire
To find themselves & their significance.
Key Motivations
Fours want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw, to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, and to attract a “rescuer.”
Stress or Growth
When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), aloof Fours suddenly become over-involved and clinging. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), envious, emotionally turbulent Fours become more objective and principled
–EnneagramInstitute.com
Fundamentally Different
We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.
Endure Suffering
Fours endure suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types.
Something is missing
Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?—all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.
The Romantic
Fours deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms.
Feelings
In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.
Sensitive, Introspective, Expressive, Dramatic, Self-absorbed and Temperamental
.
